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Mellissa: My Spirit Name

Copyright Mellissa Seaman 2003 All Rights Reserved

I always liked the name my parents gave me.  Laura Kathleen O’Neill had such beautiful Irish-lass ring to it!  And then as I grew older, Laurie seemed to fit better than Laura.  In fact, people started calling me Laurie all the time even before I decided I really liked it better than Laura.  But whatever the case, I was Laurie O’Neill and it fit.  For many years, it fit.

Then I got hitched to a Seaman.  No, not a sailor.  I mean a man whose last name is Seaman.  Yes, his last name made me chuckle at first like a sixth-grade pervert, but it also had a certain distinguished ring.  You can’t go wrong with the “Sea” - the beloved divine Ocean - in a name.  And it’s fun to see the almost imperceptible wiggle of scandal and doubt that passes over someone’s face when I say my name for the first time.  “Seaman.”  If they seem casual enough, I might say, “It’s spelled S-E-A-M-A-N….(pause)…  Thank God,” and usually they laugh with that uncomfortable social chuckle.  Anyway, I’m kind of a small talk sadist who enjoys the thrill of putting people into those sorts of social-gaff tight-spots.  So Seaman is a very fun last name. 

But now here I am, changing my first name from Laurie to Mellissa.  Shades of “Moonbeam” and “Sunkisser” and “Wolfdancer” come to mind, and I am struck with the fear that I will be seen as yet another self-absorbed “new-ager” with nothing better to do than to think up cute names for myself so as to pass myself off as more deep, more spiritual, more open-minded and ecological than everybody else.  I always resented those people.  And now I AM “those people.”

Mellissa is my Spirit name.  The first time God called my name, the Voice said “Mellissa.”  I was about seven years old or so, and I was at church camp in the woods near Julian, California.  I was alone in a beautiful meadow, traipsing down the path to the little frog pond.  I felt great.  I remember there was a “wind” that moved everything –except the wind or the trees.  It was a movement of delicious warm energy that rushed through and around me.  I knew immediately this was the Holy Spirit.  There was no doubt.  It was the essence of Love, the essence of Home, the essence of Peace and Understanding and Grace.  It was God!  I stopped still in my tracks, and I remember putting my arms out like I’d seen some people do in church, in a receptive open gesture.  I remember feeling the warmth of this “wind” without wind around me, moving my hands through the air, feeling God.  I remember the too-wide smile on my face – the kind of smile that almost hurts from the extension of my cheeks.  I was ecstatic.  I heard God say my name.  He said my name -- but it wasn’t Laura.  It was Mellissa.  I immediately translated it to Laura in my head, because it was such a confusing thing to happen in such an awesome moment, but Mellissa stuck in my mind. 

I had often coveted the name Mellissa in childhood.  I called dolls Mellissa.  I made friends with a girl at school because her name was Mellissa.  Standing in the meadow, I wondered why God used this favorite name to call me instead of my “real” name, Laura.  But it didn’t matter, because God had my attention.  I asked God if there was something I should know, something He came to tell me. “Love.  Just Love.”  The message came directly into my mind along with another big gust of “wind.”  And I knew God was giving me the direction for everything.  I knew that all I had to do was Love, and everything would be terrific.  After that message, I felt the completion of the experience and I felt the wind slip away, but always to live within me.  I knew I never had to feel alone after that.  God was, and would be, with me and in me.  Always.

I didn’t really give another thought to that name “Mellissa” until the day Mark and I conceived our daughter Clarise.  Actually, it was the MOMENT we conceived Clarise.  In the midst of my magical moment of rapture, I heard a hissing beautiful voice whisper “Mellissa.”  It was so strong, I asked Mark if I had said it out loud!  Then I laid there, feeling the conception power in my body, having a strong feeling I was pregnant.  I assumed that this child must be Mellissa.  Aha!  Maybe that’s why I always liked the name!  I was supposed to name my daughter Mellissa!  Yes!  Mystery solved!

No.  Mystery not solved.  We did assume for a while that Clarise would be named Mellissa, but somehow it just didn’t fit.  It didn’t seem right.  And then, I was given a vision.  By this time, I was really awakening psychically, and I was getting visions more and more often.  And they were always “true.”  They always held an important message or truth within them, not necessarily telling the future or something linear like that.  But my visions brought messages and wisdom.  But by this time, I had come to the realization that my visions were real Visions, and not just daydreams or such.  Anyway, in this pivotal Vision, God called me Mellissa again.  He/she brought be back to that day in the meadow, and showed me that this was MY name, not my daughter’s.  Whoa.  I came out of the vision sobbing, weeping, with great release and abandon.  It helped me see that my current spiritual path is not different than the one I’ve been on all my life.  It clarified for me that my main objective remains the same.  “Love.  Just Love.”  I’m doing the same job I’ve always done, and I am the same spiritual child of God that I’ve always been.  And my name is Mellissa.

For the past three years or so, I’ve secretly been Mellissa when I do my spiritual work.  God calls me Mellissa.  My Spirit Guides and Angels call me Mellissa.  When I am working with other shamanic people, they call me Mellissa.  But in the world, I’ve remained Laurie.  After all, Laurie is a great name – I love the name Laurie!  But it has had me split in two.  There’s the “normal” Laurie life, and the strange spiritual Mellissa.  The fact is, I AM the strange spiritual Mellissa.  The “normal” Laurie is the mask I wear so people don’t think I’m a freak.

Well, it is time to unify myself.  God’s been recommending this for a while, and I know the time is right.  I feel the Calling to fully accept my ministry and my individual identity.  I choose now to accept the name Mellissa – not just in my spiritual practice – but in my Life.  Because I want my Life to be my spiritual practice.  I want to speak my Truth in all things.  I want to shine my inner light outward, to be my Self.  I want to be God’s helpmate in all things, not just when I have my shaman/healer hat on.  It is time.  I have released much of my fear of what others think about me.  I have released my dependence on the past, on my past achievements.  I have forgiven myself for mistakes – seeing them as valuable lessons I’ve learned.  And I am ready to continue forward on this beautiful path that God unveils for me each and every day.  I am ready to share my true heart, my true identity, with you.  I am ready to show you all who I am. 

I am Mellissa Seaman.  I am the same one you knew as Laurie, but now you get to see all of me.  You get to see my Truth.  You get to see my gifts.   You get to share in my commitment to continue on my spiritual path, led by the Spirit.  My commitment in offering this is all symbolized by this name change.  Hi.  My name is Mellissa.  I am I.  

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Mellissa Seaman is a co-founder of San Diego Circle and founder of Heart Wisdom and Divine Ravishment.  She provides profound energetic healing sessions, teaches workshops, leads rituals, and writes articles on spiritual awakening, healing, and sacred living.  Reach Mellissa at info@heartwisdom.net.  

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